Rehearsal day seven.

Apparently the singers had been asking Lazy Ass Stage Manager (LASM) for 4 DAYS if she would sweep and mop the floors (the dust was bothering them), and guess what?  She didn't do it. 

Also, the bathroom has been out of toilet paper for two days, which had also been mentioned to her. She didn't DO it. 

Then got an email from lighting designer wondering where the rehearsal reports where and if any had been sent out.  SHE DIDN'T DO IT!

Goddamnit. Somebody just kill me. 

Prod meeting number one.

Only the lighting designer showed up.  WTF?

When I checked my phone (which had been on silent all day due to my momentous amount of meetings) I had over seven voicemails, three of them from set, stage management and hair/make-up all cancelling at the last minute, and the other FOUR from Batshit Insane Costumer (BIC). 

The first vm from BIC stared out normally- the usual  “I won't be there because I forgot about some dumbass conflict I had, blah blah blah”

The second vm was 45 seconds longer than the first, and was mostly just repeating what had been said in the first one with less train of thought.

The third vm was just a blathering of apologies, most of which I couldn’t understand.

The fourth vm was simply the sound of crying for ten seconds, then BIC hung up.

Dear baby Jesus in heaven.

The thoughts going through my head:  It is two weeks before we open. Half the costumes are already done.  I am just going to have to deal with this crazy person, aren’t I? Why yes, AD, you are.  Luck you. 

Rehearsal day one.

"Stage Manager, could you please let the singers know what their calls are tomorrow?" - Me

"Um... I don't even know".- Lazy Ass Stage Manager


I PRINTED OUT A SCHEDULE AND PUT IT ON THE FUCKING SIGN IN BOARD WILL YOU PLEASE GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND LOOK AT IT AND GIVE THE CALL AND OH, BTW WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU HAVE A PRINTED COPY IN YOUR PAPERWORK, YOU ARE THE FUCKING STAGE MANAGER!!!!!!!!!

Breathing.  Breathing.  Breathing.